Huge Dowry or Huge Differences

| 30/07/2019 | 0 Comments

Dear Readers,

Weddings in India are steeped in tradition and culture. One of the traditions that have been passed down in time is the system of dowry.  The groom’s parents place a series of demands before the bride’s parents to give dowry items such as household appliances, color television, motor cycle or car, ornaments of pure gold of sizable quantity, money, flat or plot of land, furniture, etc.

All of the above items look good especially huge dowries reflecting the so-called status of the girl’s family on the wedding day.  Unfortunately the long lasting significance of all of the above items in the marital journey is almost like that of a mustard seed.

The society has been brainwashed that a fat dowry makes a big difference in the bride’s future life.  Parents should understand that it is not the dowry or a grand wedding that makes a difference in marriage but it is the differences between the marital partners that have a greater impact on the marriage.

Some of the following differences make or mar the marital journey:

  1. In-Laws & Extended Family Involvement
  2. Communication Patterns: Good communication is essential to a thriving marriage,
  3. Balance Between Home and Work
  4. Age differences
  5. Cultural differences
  6. Financial: Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues.
  7. Religious Beliefs: Different beliefs about respect for human life and other moral values are deeply rooted.
  8. Children
  9. Parenting
  10. Sexual Intimacy and infidelity are common sources of stress and disharmony in a marriage.
  11. Physical separation or lack of quality time together serves to get people out of sync with each other.
  12. Household responsibilities
  13. Personal Habits: Many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable.
  14. Expectations: Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in marriages.
  15. Personality Problems
  16. Commitment: inability to make a lasting commitment.
  17. Differences in emotional needs

It is therefore more prudent to choose between huge dowry or huge differences in marital partners and seek an amiable partnership rather than indulging in the criminal dowry system that has devastated the Society paving way for many more social evils.

Your Value Check:

Circle the values in column 1 that are most important to you. Consider that some values may initially appeal to you but upon deeper reflection (column 2) you realize that you don’t always hold them as a priority. Then rank them in importance from 1-14. Discuss with your fiance'(e) or spouse.

  Column-1                                            Column-2

  1. Honesty                           Yes, but sometimes it’s OK to fudge.
    2. Commitment                 Sure, but some commitments are just too hard to keep.
    3. Fidelity                            I don’t plan on having an affair but who knows the future.
    4. Loyalty                            It might be necessary to violate a loyalty if another’s safety is at risk.
    5. Devotion to parents   Parents are important, but spouse comes first.
    6. Generosity                     I’ll give, but only after I’ve taken care of myself.
    7. Peacemaking                Sometimes evil needs to be confronted, even with violence.
    8. Living simply               I work hard for my money. Why can’t I enjoy its rewards?
    9. Kindness                       Some people are too kind and others take advantage of them.
    10. Self-control                I believe in being flexible and spontaneous, not being uptight.
    11. Education                    Education is over-rated. I wouldn’t sacrifice current wants for it.
    12. Sacrifice                       Suffering and delayed gratifications has no use and are to be avoided.
    13. Friendship                  Friends are nice, but family and spouse are more important.
    14. Children                      I value my freedom more.
Source:, values:

Category: Marital Awareness

About the Author (Author Profile)

Fayaz Pasha is from Bangalore, India. He is an Author, a certified Life Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, a blogger and a Toastmaster.

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